2 SAE's to serve jail time for hazing

On April 28th four members of SAE accepted plea deals for their roles in hazing SAE pledges in Fall 2006. Tyler Cross was a pledge during the time of the accused hazing which ultimately led to his death. Said members are pledge trainers Will Evans and Austin Sherrill, former SAE president Chase Bolding, and former vice president Jimmy Berry.

- Chase Bolding was sentenced with 100 hours of community service and must attend an alcohol awareness class (that's slightly harsher than an M.I.P. ticket). 

- Jimmy Berry will serve one year of deferred adjudication, pay a $1,000 fine, and complete 100 hours of community service for not reporting the hazing that took place.

- And Will Evans and Austin Sherrill will be serving a whopping 4 days in jail. However, the charges are only for the hazing that took place in the Fall of 2006, no charges have been brought for the actual death of Tyler Cross.

I'm sure members of the "higher tier" fraternity would believe that these charges were just...but these charges are a joke. If the hazing never took place I highly doubt Tyler Cross would have been so drunk to have fallen from his balcony. 

People have been convicted with severer punishments for far far less. For instance, George Robinson and ex-wife Elisa Kelly of Virginia were sentenced in June 2007 to two years in prison each for supplying $340 worth of alcohol to their sons' party. They even took all of the guest's keys, prohibited any of the guest to drive, and no one was killed. 

Yet, these fraternity members hazed the shit out of their new members and supplied minors with extreme amounts of alcohol and are barely punished? The Daily Texan released the police warrant of the fraternity's hazing investigation, and the acts that these members committed are flat out disturbingly ridiculous and call for harsher punishments.

Pledges were shocked with cattle prods while blind folded and hog tied, kicked in the stomach while in the "bo's and toe's" position, beaten with bamboo sticks while they ran back and forth with cement blocks in hand, told to drink excessive amounts of tequila, whiskey, and beer from a keg--and the list of extremely illegal activities does not even stop there! Bolding, Sherrill, and Evans called a meeting at the Towers dormitory after the Ohio State game in 2006 where they flipped a table onto a pledge, Evans told a pledge to place his hand on a dart board while he threw darts at the member (in which several darts struck and injured the pledge), and the biggest douchenozzle of them all, Sherrill, burned the faces of two pledges with a hot iron and then instructed them to not attend class until their wounds healed.

Uh, just a few charges that would place these fucktards in prison for more than 96 hours come to mind: providing alcohol to a minors, involuntary manslaughter (the individual was aware of the risk of injury to others and willfully disregarded it--a.k.a Tyler Cross), emotional distress, hazing, cruel and unusual punishment...The list could go on. 

Where's the justice UT and Travis County?

 

Longhorn Model Fashion Show

UT is hosting their first modeling competition May 5th where 26 finalist will be cat walking their 2% body fat selves in hopes of scoring $500 to aid their laxative funds.

The winner will also receive a fashion spread in Study Breaks, a professional portfolio, and the much coveted title (is that really the word they should have used?) of Longhorn Model. So I guess this event is sorda serious. However, anything Study Breaks sponsors I can only muster the image of a girl with too much makeup in an orange thong bikini, cowboy hat, and straddling the steps in a Villas pool. Klassy with a "K."

Also, they're trying to sell this event like it's America's Next Top Model--Seriously? Why? I highly doubt Tyra Banks will be showing up and without her who is going to show these girls how to smile with their eyes?

And now for pure shits and giggles Tyra going crazy for Vaseline:

Her best friend Lesley said, "Oh, she's just being Miley"

Miley Cyrus has come under scrutiny today for her Vanity Fair photo shoot with the famed Annie Leibovitz. The Disney tween is featured in the magazine with only a bed sheet covering her ta-tas, some serious sex hair, and eyes that tell you that this 15 year old just had the best sex of her life. The media, Disney, Vanity Fair, CNN (?), Christian groups, and the ladies on The View have gotten all hot and bothered by this photo shoot and have gotten their panties in a wad.

Disney, Miley, and her parents are now speaking out about the Vanity Fair spread and have stated that Miley was "manipulated" into taking the racy photos. However, before the uproar Miley expressed to Vanity Fair how pleased she was with the portraits:

"I think it's really artsy," she told the magazine at the time. "It wasn't in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool. That's what she wanted me to do, and you can't say no to Annie."

I love it. Artsy is the new skanky. 

What Miley doesn't know is that "Annie, took, like," inspiration from any 20 year old shacker taking part in the "Walk of Shame" across campus on Friday morning. All the components are there: smeared eyeliner, raw skin around the lips because the drunk you went home with thinks growing a goatee is cool, tassled hair, and the best part, the guys bed sheet you grabbed because the top you threw off in the heat of the moment is under his face and you dare not wake the guy you thought was Ryan Reynolds' twin--because without beer goggles he's just an overweight fratty with a shit load of chest hair that would make Chewbacca feel inferior.

I shudder from experience-- yet sadly I know my love for vodka will lead me again into this vicious cycle. Thus roommates, next time I come stumbling in and you cast your judging eyes in my direction I will declare "What? I was just artsy last night!"

Regardless of what Leibovitz inspiration was for this photo shoot... having a 15 year old dress in this manner is pretty holy-inappropriate. Bottom line the girl is 15. Her parents should have stepped up. They may be bitching now but from the looks of the Youtube video provided by Vanity Fair, Miley's dad Joe Simpson Billy Ray Cyrus was too busy coppin' a feel on his daughter to object. 

Chatting capability on FB = Me flunking out of UT.

Mark Zuckerberg, YOU WHORE.

Must you add the chatting capabilities?! Is this a conspiracy against AIM? Because, quite frankly, I'm not ready to let my screen name (Hollisterkisseybaby4u05) go.

Do you just want me to flunk out of college? Why do you have to put your voodoo on a site that I've already sold my soul to?! I'm talking when I meet Peter at the the pearly gates I'll be sporting a "Property of Facebook" on my chest like I'm fucking Hester Prim and it's the Scarlet Letter--or phrase. 

I only hope when I'm condemned to Hell they will be spinning Nelly's "Its gettin' hot in hurr" and have Dos Equis on tap.

Facebook, I hate you (but I love you).

Sex and the City theme song gets Fergalicious.

If you have taken the "Which Sex and The City Character are you?" quiz on Facebook or MySpace, and have then set your dating standards accordingly to the character you came to identify the most with--this blog is for you.

 (Guys included--we know who you are. You're the ones in the Facebook group "My Humps is the soundtrack of my life!" AND you pay for a tanning membership.)

Fergie has fergified the opening music of SATC for the new movie that will be coming out May 30! Get your Pink Cosmo's ready Ladies (and Gentlemen).

I'm already addicted to this song and fully plan to be dancing to it downtown imagining my dancing shoes are Manolo Blahniks, when they're really just Nine West. 

It's a bitch being a baller on a budget.

MC Hammer's daughter goes to UT?!

What?! This is news to me! I was watching MTV's new horrendous reality show "Rock the Craddle" when they showed MC Hammer's daughter, A'Keiba Burrell. She's one of the only contestants on the show who has actual talent and not living vicariously through her dad's 1980's music videos. And the best part--she goes to UT. She's a junior! However, if I saw her on campus I would have thought she was a 40 year old theatre arts professor. no joke.

Burrell even has a facebook and seems pretty normal for a kid who had to experience watching her dad do the Hammer dance across the stage shirtless and with gold parachute pants. When your dad takes cues from Vanilla Ice on how to dress--I'm just going to take a wild guess and say such topics were brought up in later therapy sessions.

Good luck A'Keiba Burrell, TXOJ wishes you the best on the asshat MTV reality show. And if you do get booted off, least you have UT. Which I am completely pumped for her to be back on this campus! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the day when I can run up and poke her and she'll respond "Can't touch this!" and I'll poke her again while quoting her father "I'm too legit to quit...hey!hey!"

Kanye West and his Ego are coming to Austin!

Welcome to the good life! Kanye West, N.E.R.D., Rihanna, and Lupe Fiasco will be in Austin April 30th and performing at the Frank Erwin center! Tickets are still available and they range anywhere from $45.00-$350.00.

This concert is going to be pretty mcsick...every act is UH-MAZING. And it better be, Kanye West is so hardcore he even broke off his engagement to his on and off and now ex fiance Alex Phifer for this glow in the dark tour.

Yea, that's right. I said glow in the dark. Start crackin' and freezin' your glow sticks people--it's going to be epidemic!

And Alex, you're better off girlfriend. Kanye may be a great artist but have you seen this kid when he doesn't win an award?

DRAMA.

Consider your life free of future tantrums, and him constantly reminding you in third person how lucky you are to be with him. I can only imagine this man demands an award every time he wakes up, has sex, takes a shit, etc. Oh, and don't forget you're no longer in a binding contract stating every one of your offspring (boy or girl) will be named Kanye I,II,III, and IV.

Third robbery on UT's campus

This guy doesn't know when to quit:

UTPD is reporting that another student was robbed yesterday between 5:30-6 p.m. at Taylor Hall. The suspect description is the same as in the two previous robvberies this month--a male approximately 6' tall, medium build, wearing a mask and gloves, and brandishing a weapon (whatever that means). In each happening the suspect has demanded money.

The two previous robberies took place April 3, 2008 at the Music Recital Hall and the other at the RLM building April 16, 2008.

The third robbery also confirms a pattern in victims. All three armed robbery victims are Asin students (male and female).

So...I guess I was wrong with my theory that the robber from the RLM building was a scared shitless failing freshman. Damn it! All of my Tivo'd Law & Orders have been for nothing! Here I was going around all undercover like Detective Fin with a slick pony tail, getting in people's faces interrogating them like Stabler, and then trying to comfort scared little children like Olivia Benson--and for what?! I've lost all faith SVU. Your season pass is getting deleted ASAP! Oh, and lets be real...Gossip Girl is back.

And on a serious note: Asians watch out!

Asshat

A friend pointed out that I use the word "retard" too often and that it was offensive. Usually I really could care less if I offend anyone or not--but, she's a good friend and an even better drinking buddy. Therefore, I will try and use the word "retard" less or not at all.

The proposed word to fulfill the void of the word that is not to be used is...drumroll... "Asshat." (It was the best that a group of three could come up with at lunch today.)

Thus, "Asshat" it is. 

However, you know who, the blood is on your hands when offended donkeys everywhere begin to bitch.

UT gives a slap on the wrist to SAE

It's comforting to know that our university takes a student's death seriously...you know with slaps on the wrist.

In November of 2006 an SAE freshman pledge by the name of Tyler Cross died after drunkenly falling from his Tower's balcony. His blood and alcohol level was .19 when he died (more than twice the legal limit). Cross' autopsy also revealed bruises on his back and ass that were inconsistent with the fall from his balcony. Did I forget to mention that his death took place during SAE's notorious build week for their party of the year Jungle and that Cross was a bamboo pledge? Odd much?

Anyone reading this blog is pretty up to date with the events that take place in West Campus...so you kids do the math and I'm sure you can put two and two together to realize why the late freshman after returning to his dorm after a night at the fraternity, during it's"Hell week," was intoxicated and rushed to his balcony to throw up...only to fall to his death.

According to the police warrant one pledge informed investigators that pledges for the SAE fraternity were told two important rules "Don't talk about pledgeship" and "don't die." 

Wow. Those rules make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Now that a year has passed the university and the SAE fraternity have reached an agreement to how SAE conducts its new member and initiation process and its social activities. Under the terms of the agreement SAE:

• Shall be a conditionally registered student organization in good standing for five years beginning April 7, 2008. If at the end of the five years the dean of students determines SAE has fulfilled the obligations under the agreement, SAE shall be granted unconditional registration as a student organization. A number of terms of the agreement related to structural change in SAE operations shall remain in effect permanently;
  
• Must strictly prohibit hazing. SAE shall take an active role in the development and delivery of training on the prohibition of hazing and on alcohol abuse. All members of SAE shall attend an annual educational program on hazing and alcohol awareness and abuse issues that is approved by the dean of students;
  
• Shall permanently bar from membership any member who engages in hazing;
  
• Shall suspend any member who provides alcohol to a minor or any member who fails to report hazing or provision of alcohol to a minor;
  
• Shall annually inform pledges and members of the terms of the agreement prior to the pledging period;
  
• Will limit its fall pledge period to eight weeks and include in its Pledge Education Program elements approved by the dean of students;
  
• Will initiate a required pledges study hall from Sunday through Thursday of each week during the pledging period;
  
• Shall provide its chapter adviser and the Dean of Students Office a written schedule of all SAE new member recruitment or rush activities;
  
• Shall assure that all pre- and post-party and event clean-ups and other housekeeping activities during the pledge period will involve all members of SAE, not just pledges;
  
• Shall employ a full-time resident assistant who will live in the SAE house and help chapter officers supervise the fraternity's activities;
  
• Is subject to "unannounced visits to the SAE house and its common areas" by the university police department, Austin Police, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission or the Dean of Students Office;
  
• Shall assure that alcohol served at any party or event must be dispensed by a third-party vendor, provider or caterer licensed by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission;
  
• Must allow a representative of its Advisory Board, the chapter adviser or a resident assistant to monitor all new member or rush activities;
  
• Will eliminate any non-sanctioned parties or events.

The punishment will also include giving advance notice to the university and SAE alumni advisers of  large parties among other things, limiting the attendance of guest at large parties to those named on a pre-party guest list, requiring the use of off-duty police officers to distribute tamper-proof wrist bands and to provide security, and limiting parties or events to Fridays and Saturday with an ending time of 2 a.m.

These 'new' rules seem like the university has really taken action except for the fact that everything that has been bolded was already suppose to be followed. As a member of the greek community myself, I am very aware of these rules and my greek affiliation follows them strictly--to the point it's annoying. SAE member's knew of these rules. Not only are they suppose to be reminded during their pledgeship, but as freshman every member of a greek organization is required to attend Greek101 which explains the seriousness of hazing. If frats weren't busy throwing pennies at each other and calling out "Phi-gays!" during the lectureship to establish which frat is superior--maybe they would have learned a thing or two.

But seriously, is anyone reading through the lines of bullshit being fed by the university and SAE? Tyler Cross' college career and LIFE were cut short because a handful of guys had a hard-on for their ego trips and "tradition."

I hope who ever the pledge trainers were for SAE during Fall 2006 were punished severely...like jail time severe. UT credit hours revoked severe. Something! People have been sentenced for less. AND lets be real--any guy who wants to be a pledge trainer is usually a huge dbag and trying to make up for other departments that are severely lacking. I remember freshman year one pledge trainer had a huge issue with feeling me up at any party I attended at a particular frat. Every time I threatened his life he would run off without saying a word. Later I learned he had a lisp problem which included a story with the tag line "Come on baby, thuck it"-- like I said, pledge trainers are the shiniest of all tools.

So congratulations UT for showing the greeks who's boss, I'm sure the slap of the wrist you gave the frat really left a sting. I'm also sure the SAE alumni who donate large amounts of dough to the school didn't sway your decision at ALL in this disciplinary decision either. 

Rest in peace Tyler Cross.

She's absurd. She's a girl. She's From UT. She's Karolyn McKenzie.

My dear friend Karolyn McKenzie is one of the funnier people I know and I thought I would give her a shout out on TXOJ. McKenzie is a Texas alum living it up in LA trying to become a comedic writer and I must give her some mad props.

Do yourself a treat and visit her blog Girls Are Absurd because I'm not even going to front-- us bitches ARE absurd.

McKenzie points out these insanities of ours with topics ranging from girls self help books, buying retarded amounts of princess memorabilia, our addiction to the man hated boot called UGGS, Nike running shorts, The what I like to call '15 year old cheerleader squat smile and picture' pose (which is later in life called the 'sorority pose')...and my personal favorite, our inability to not purchase jeans that don't show our ass cracks (I'm always having to apologize to people sitting behind me for my free show sponsored in part by my True Religion's).

Love it. Love her. Visit and bookmark.

Prevent the "Artisitc" death of an Innocent animal!

This Facebook group created by Emily Perry of Jackson, MS keeps popping up on my mini-feed and I finally decided to check it out and of course signed both petitions. 

The group is a plead to stop the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc from repeating his art exhibition in 2007 which consisted of taking a stray dog from the street, tying the dog up in an art gallery and letting it starve to death without food or water while on display for visitors to watch.

The prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of Central America decided that the 'installation' WAS actually art and has invited Habacuc to repeat the display for the Biennial of 2008.

The guy is pretty sick and is basically up there with Yale Art major Aliza Shvarts. Hubacuc's defense in his 'work' is the idea that the stray dog would have died on his own and no one would have known the existence of the dog. Hey fucktard, um there's such a thing as humility when you die. I doubt the dog would have preferred fame over starving to death for the fancy of heartless aristocrats.

Last week I learned on Eli Stone (best show that is on right now, check it out here) that the Jewish religion teaches "to save a life is to save the world" by the woman who played a rabbi...I think the same idea can be extended to animals. 

There are two petitions to sign to prevent this tragedy from happening again. Please sign them--they seriously take two seconds. Think of it this way--What if your dog ran away and someone decided your Snookums was the perfect stray for their next art exhibit? Would you want your dog to suffer the same fate? 

Yea, that's what I figured. Sign the petitions.

Petition 1 (2 million strong)

Petition 2

O-Ew! Okie Sheriff charged with running a sex-slave operation from jail

Fox news is reporting that this stallion of a sheriff of Oklahoma resigned Wednesday after federal prosecutors filed 35 felony counts against him for allegedly running a sex-slave operation at his jail.



Mike Burgess resigned from his job of nearly 14 years before he had to appear in court on 14 counts of second degree rape, seven counts of forcible oral sodomy and five counts of bribery by a public official.

He's screwed.

Burgess is claimed to have told one drug court participant she would go to jail if she did not comply to his sexual request. The lawsuit, filed by 12 former jail prisoners, alleges the sheriff's employees had them engage in a wet t-shit concert and offered cigarettes to those who flashed their breast (Damn, who needs Spring Break in Padre when you could party in jail?)

Burgess also faces two counts each of sexual battery, rape by instrumentation (uh, is this where the cigarettes came in? How Bill Clinton of him), subornation of perjury, and one count each of engaging in a pattern of criminal offenses, indecent exposure and kidnapping.

If convicted of all 35 accounts the perv could be sentenced to 467 years in prison! Enjoy being a sex-slave Burgess, and remember, don't drop the soap!

Hey what time is it by the way? ....8:40 and Oklahoma still sucks!l

A crazy quest for meth

Richard Quest a CNN news personality will more than likely be losing his job soon. The retard was arrested this morning around 3:40 a.m. in Central Park for possession of meth--and it gets better. 

Not only did he possess a drug that is the culprit for Fergi's butterface:

But he also had a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals (rope burn, much?) and a sex toy in his boot. What the fuck? Why can't people keep their sexual desires to the bedroom? You will get caught. Ask George Michael. Ask Pee Wee Herman. Ask the girl from the South Mall.

One very cool guy

Hey Casey,

I was able to read the story you posted on your blog. I can not tell how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. It means so much to me right now.

Stay amazing and keep in touch,

Thank you again,
Azariah Southworth

He actually responds to messages! This guy is the real deal, so genuine. 

Definitely check him out on his MySpace

Teacher found dead and bound in Lady Bird Lake.

KXAN-TV and Msnbc.com reported that a man by the name of Riad Hamad, 55, was found Wednesday afternoon floating and bound in Lady Bird Lake (Town Lake) near Festival Beach.

Hamad was reported missing when he did not return home from a trip to the pharmacy Monday, according to his family which included his wife and two children.

Brittany Mooney noticed the body floating in the lake while walking her dog at Festival Beach about 2:25 p.m. Wednesday.

"We just kept walking back and forth, and it started getting closer to the shore, and so we went over there and saw that it was a body," Mooney said. "And he's got tape wrapped around his whole, like duct tape, around his whole face."

Hamad had spent 10 years with the Austin Independent School District along with teaching at Austin Community College. He was a graduate of UT and had been pursuing a graduate degree. Hamad was also a peace activist.

A mother of one of his students, Ana Fulton, said he was a peaceful activist and a nice man.

"He stood up for what he believed in," Ana Fulton said. "For him, to have sticker on his car, saying expressing himself about the freedom of Palestine and the peaceful activism he was doing, I admire him for that."

Police have only called the death suspicious. His family had reported that Hamad had suicidal thoughts and the binding of his hands and legs were consistent with him having done it according to the police report. 

However, after reading the police report it still sounds fishy. Who would bound their entire head along with their hands and legs? It also does not help that he was a peace activist. I pray that this man was not a victim of foul play and that he is now in true peace...but it's all a tad too odd.

Justin Nozuka: After Tonight

Justin Nozuka could quite possibly be my new obsession! He's like a baby Jack Johnson. I saw his music video "After Tonight" (believe it or not they still make them. You just have to be an insomniac to catch them) and I instantly fell in love. It's also a great song and video that reminds me of summer which is just around the corner-- Praise Jeebus!

..

Check out more on the Canadian singer on his Facebook or MySpace

Facebook Fatigue?

Do you ever need a break from your 5 min study break that turned into an hour and a half study break of fighting through retarded Facebook Applications and ultimately ending up on a friend of a friend's self photographed "Sexy" album? You know the ones where they stare seductively into their web cams? Its a bitch when I do that--but so funny.

Anyways, Time.com wrote a great article about Facebook Applications that I dig. Because nothing annoys me more when I think I'm actually popular because I have 50 notifications and then realize like a shot through the heart I'm not. The notifications are just vampire kisses, face doubles, Graffiti walls, and bumper sticker applications. W.T.F.

Hell, some of my friends are so applicationed out they don't even have a wall to post on anymore. Isn't that defeating the purpose of FB?

FB when did you become lame and a sell out? You already let high schoolers and rapist join Facebook--O.k. maybe not rapist, but people without college emails! Same thing. Couldn't stop there? Bitch. 

I curse you with the fate of MySpace and hope Lisa Frank layouts haunt you in your sleep, Mark Zuckerberg!

Aliza Shvarts is Bloody Crazy!

Yale Art major Aliza Shvarts made headlines yesterday morning when she announced her exhibition for her senior art project--she also proved what a bat shit crazy nut shell she is.

What's the project you ask? finger painting? splatter paint? coloring in the lines? Oh no, that's amateur. Crazy claimed her art exhibit would be a documentation of a nine month process in which she would artificially inseminate herself (with a turkey baster of all things--she must suffer from peniphobia as well) and then kill her baby by a self induced abortion with "natural drugs." The exhibit would include recorded videos of the miscarriages (yea, plural) as well as preserved collections of blood from the process (preserved in Vaseline and displayed with plastic sheeting).

Shvarts claims her project is meant to spark conversation between art and human body, and that she was not going for "shock value." Uh, then why didn't she just go to the Playboy Mansion and get her boobies painted? Least she would then get a cocktail or two and enjoy a party. I'd take that any day over sitting at home and turkey basting myself. Am I, right?

After Yale University was stormed with media and outraged activist, the university announced that the exhibit was all a hoax and that the miscarriages never took place. Right. I bet they're just trying to save their asses because they accepted such a nut job. But for the sake of believing what you read...the art exhibit is now just a display of her menstrual cycle. exciting. That means girls next time you go into a bathroom look in the trash can--you could be looking at what some would consider art. Oh, the world we live in.

 

"Excuse My Beauty!"

Hahahah fast forward to around 3:27... The ass clown is quotable! 

OMFG: Gossip Girl

So everyone get excited Gossip Girl will FINALLY be back this Monday 8/7c on CW...OMFG as the ad says! 

My only reservation--this ad?! How much can Blake Lively really be getting off if it's a known fact that Chase Crawford is thinking about JC Chasez while motor-boating her? 

And aren't they suppose to be 17 in this show? Who was having this kind of hair pulling "O" face making steamy sex at 17?  

I thought this type of sex was reserved for Cougars in their prime who channel Susan Sarandon. No? Damn my peniphobia *shakes fist in the air*  and my prude Bible humping days back in high school!I missed my prime!

Lone Star Jam: April 26th

Throw on your pearl snaps, high waisted wranglers, and shine those boots boy because every one's honkey tonkin' dreams are about to come true...yee-doggy! Lone Star Jam is Saturday April 26th at Waterloo Park in downtown Austin. If I was a betting girl I'd put my money on the fact you will probably see this guy. at this concert. with this tattoo. with his shirt off--guaranteed. Get your dip cups ready.

The show will feature 10 bands which will include: Kevin Fowler, Eli Young Band, Cory Morrow, Roger Creager, Wade Bowen, Bleu Edmondson, Adam Hood, Ryan James, and Bart Crow Band. The concert will be benefiting the Young Texans Against Cancer which is being sponsored by Ziegenbock.

Tickets are $32.50 in advance and $40.00 the day of the show. To keep some money in your wallets for the girl you want to dosey doe with and then by a soda for--buy your tickets from the Texas Iron Spikes. They have two-stepped in to help support the new Dell's Children's Hospital. They will also be hosting their Spring Classic Softball Tournament in conjunction with the event. For more information on how to sign up and form a team check it out here.

If you have a thing against an Iron Spike, the guy did you wrong, had an awkward morning with one of them, etc. You may also buy your tickets through Front Gate Tickets or by calling 888-512-Show.

I generally steer clear from country concerts for a few reasons: The men on CMT could give a 15 year old emo kid a run for their side parted shags--the only difference: the blond highlights (Keith Urban). Oh, and lets not forget that I envision Hell as a place where they make you listen to a Rascal Flatt's cd on repeat.

Ah, but what the hell? I'm a walking contradiction and can promise I will be coerced into going because a.) I love me some alchie and b.) I love me some alchie.

An American In Paris: Amani Dorn

Because TXOJ is for UT students, by UT students (I just gave a whole new definition to the acronym FUBU) I thought it would be appropriate to hear from UT'ers that are studying abroad. Funny UT'ers, studying abroad--let's not be confused. Without further adieu, Amani Dorn:

Hey people! TX-OJ France correspondent here! I must say many many thanks to TX-OJ for keeping me updated on UT while I’m over here with the Frenchies!

Now, I could write about all my rich cultural experiences…but…there are guidebooks for that…so whatevs…my one cultural tip would be to get an art student pass at the Louvre so you get in the museums for free! Plus you feel super cool when you get to bypass all the tourists.

Anywho, here are some non-monument/museum related tips and observations I’ve picked up along the way:

When you’re talking to a guy at a bar and you say you’re from Texas there are several probable reactions from the French that pretty well sum up their knowledge of our state:

“Texas? Oh! Like George Bush?”

“Texas! Uh… Houston? Dallas?”

“Texas! Like…cowboys?”

To which I generally respond, “No, not like George Bush. George Bush is from Connecticut,” “No, Austin a.k.a. the capital and most badass city ever!” and “Well…yea…there are some cowboys I guess…”

Don’t be surprised when the answer to where you’re from sparks a political debate, but if you’re like me, your French will be so broken and elementary that grown-up conversations can only go so far and you can stick to pleasantries like the weather and what you’re doing in France. But hey, if you like debating you’ll find no shortage of opponents here, so knock yourself out! I, personally, prefer to avoid the bitter subject of politics when I’m drinking a 10 euro cocktail that is oh so sweet.

Yes 10 EURO cocktail…that’s like…a million dollars!...damn exchange rate!...which leads to my number 1 rule in Paris which is to PREPARTY, PREPARTY, PREPARTY. If you try to get a solid buzz going at a bar a couple of times a week you will be broke in a month, so…get yourself a 1-2 euro bottle of wine, meet some friends on the Seine and enjoy before going to the bar to get your groove on!

As far as fashion goes, sorry ladies but the t-shirt and running short ensemble will not fly. If you wanna fit in, getcha some skinny jeans, dark colored dresses, skirts, shorts and tops, an endless supply of black tights, some flat leather boots and whatever scarf or scarves you want. I still rock on occasion my American/Texan fashion sense…usually because all my more appropriate clothes are dirty…but that means getting used to people staring at my purple Ugg boots as if I had my feet up the asses of live sheep.
Going running in your Nike shorts will no doubt send out the secret signal to the French creeper society who will strategically place creepers in your path to yell “Aw vous êtes très sportive!” “très belle!” “please…lady…” or just the classic blowing of kisses.

Actually, just being a female in a public place is enough to beckon the creepers, so it is essential to perfect your stink face. Just stare straight ahead with a disgusted look on your face like you’re walking through a fish market. Whatever you do, DON”T SMILE! You might as well walk around singing the chorus of Lady Marmalade (you know…voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir…I love that song…)

DO NOT drunkenly give out your number thinking the guy won’t call. He will call and he will text. Everyday, many times a day, and it will be awkward. Those who know me know I like to give out my number downtown like candy on Halloween, but after about two weeks in France, it became apparent that this behavior was leading to a missed call history saturated with calls from Creeper at Bar number 1, 2 and 3 and classic Mr. DO NOT ANSWER.

Anywho…creepers notwithstanding, Paris is a blast and if you can, STUDY ABROAD! Just do it, it’s awesome! As my good friend Lauren Conrad so eloquently put it after her life-changing, relationship-ending week here (4 days), “Paris changes everything!” …I don’t know if I would put it so boldly after a week…but maybe I would if my “reality” TV show set me up with some French rock star to drive me around on his Vespa…

SO, head to http://www.utexas.edu/student/abroad/ and get some info on some sweet study abroad opportunities…or just head to the study abroad office on 24th street! Tell Lia Haisley I say heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!

It's time Christians read the bracelets they made so popular.

(TXOJ readers it's time, and I think you're prepared, for the first controversial blog. Please comment [anonymously for all I care] any disagreements/agreements/thoughts. Openness is KEY.)

Perezhilton.com reported that Azariah Southworth, a host for a fairly popular Christian youth show The Remix has come out and is OPENLY GAY. Southworth has been the host of the show that brings Christian music to the masses for over a year and now averages over 200,000 viewers weekly. Unfortunately, his job will probably be in question due to his sexual orientation.

I'm sorry, this guy seems pretty legit. I don't know where my religious beliefs are but I know my morals tell me that this is wrong. For a man with this many followers he has has done what my Younglife leaders preached me to do back in the day and that was spread the word of Christ. 

Southworth stated, “I know I will be cut off from many within the Christian community, and if so, then they didn’t get the point of the life of Christ. I believe by me living my life honestly and authentically now, I am able to be a better person and a better Christian. We all know there are so many other gay people in the Christian industry; they’re just all scared. I was scared, but now I’m no longer afraid."

Seriously, my heart goes out to this guy. To be ostracized in a community you have done so much for just because you were being honest with yourself and your followers is outrageous. People of the Christian community I hope you embrase this honest man with open arms and do as your God preaches, and that is to love unconditionally. Gays are God's children just as much as the next person, sinner or saint. 

On Southworth's MySpace page he mentions his desire of "Searching for truth and changing. I want to live out fully what Jesus commanded us to do, that is, love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself." 

Amen, brother. This man oozes honesty and I think anyone would be crazy to not listen to what he has to say (check out his MySpace). 

If people could once believe Joe Simpson (Here comes my inappropriateness. I'm itching for it.) a man who shamelessly pimps out his daughters, discusses how sexy his oldest's DD boobs are and is probably jealous he didn't get to knock up his youngest before Pete Wentz got to her, was a preacher...I think, we can tolerate--wait, that's a retarded word. It implies one is superior. Let me correct myself, we can love and admire an openly gay follower of Christ.

Southworth, if you get booted from your show, you go and make another. I will be Front Row Joe and support you completely. Preach on Honest man. You have faith and a fan in TXOJ.

I will leave you guys with one last thing. A question from one of Southworth's blogs titled "Right or Wrong":

"How do YOU define right and wrong?

If there was no Bible. How would we define right or wrong?"

Armed Robbery JUST happened at RLM

What the hell? 

An armed robbery just took place at the RLM building on the 11th floor. Suspect was wearing a black mask and approximately 6' tall. If seen, contact UTPD immediately by calling 911.

Isn't RLM the engineering building? My money is on some failing freshman who is already on probation, and he is just stealing his professor's computer to hack in and change his grades. Mommy and Daddy already threatened to make him move home and attend El Centro.

That entire scenario is completely made up. Don't quote me. Don't hassle me when we find out serious shit actually went down. Regardless, this is the busiest week for UTPD...good to know they're actually good for something that doesn't include passing out MIPs.

Rap Lyric of the Day.

Driving to work today I jammed to my current obsession of a song "Sexy Can I" by Ray J...you know the lil' brother of the 5-head fallen popstar, Brandy, who was recently charged for vehicular manslaughter. Still not ringing a bell? Fine. The little brother of Moesha. 

Anyways. I was jammin' on Mopac going South when this lyric came from my radio:

"then you drop and do the split.

How you make that p*$$y talk,

Baby damn, u is da shit."

Uh...I was stunned to say the least. I had to be kind and rewind and do a 1-2 check to make sure I heard the verse correctly that had just come out of my radio.

Can I just beg the question...How many people know a female lady part that talks to you? I feel that this is an STD that has yet to be reported. If I woke up one day and my lady part was talking to me--I would flip shit. And the even sadder part would be the fact that I would have to finish quoting Ray J and say "Just pardon my manners. It's a kodak moment, let me go and get my camera." I just really don't think too many people would believe me when I told them my flower was talking.

This particular blog was completely inappropriate...but seriously, I think we all should know the lyrics to the music drunken fratty's are trying to dry hump us with.

This isn't your typical Tex-Mex!

Recently there has been a very talented violinist, Gypsie, on campus playing sweet sounds while the rest of UT walks by with head sets and IPODS on full blast (I would normally be included in the mass of IPOD on blasters--but I cannot locate mine at the moment. Life can be oh so cruel when you can't walk to class listening to Luda). Fortunately, this guy is pretty decent and generally plays by the fountain in West Mall. He is perfect for a late afternoon sitting outside of the Union's Starbucks.

Yesterday, however, he was at the corner of Guad and 24th and on my way home from Spanish I decided to introduce myself and say hello. Unfortunately, I do not speak Spanish very well and neither does my SPN506 professer--thus, I could not speak the boogla boogla language he was speaking and just grabbed the flyer he handed me and said my Hola and Adios.

The flyer that Gypsie ended up handing me though seems pretty legit! It's an event called !ON YOUR FEET! and is April 17th (tomorrow) at the Monarch Event Center (across from Highland Mall). Tickets are 15$ in advance and 20$ at the door. The event will include cultural performances ranging from Latin America, Africa, and the Middle East. It's basically a Dancing with the Stars-- en fuego...minus posers like the shiny tool, Mario Lopez.

All profits will benefit Posada Esperanza & Casa Marianelle, a non profit organization dedicated to providing transitional housing and other services to homeless immigrants, homeless single mothers with childern and international refugees.

People are actually reading TXOJ!

This makes my heart swell with pride! People actually read my shit and care for it! Years of back talk, sarcasm, being a potty mouth, and extremely inappropriate humor have not gone to waste! Grandmother would be proud! If only the girl getting it on in the South Mall could have felt the same way...

A friend sent me a link to a fellow blogger who had come across TXOJ and actually enjoyed it! I thought I would share this with whoever my readers are.

"A new discovery today caught my eye,

http://www.texasorangejuice.com

Apparently this is a student run blog and is absolutely genius. All the sarcasm and satire one could hope for making of fun of the different things of UT. Ahh its everything i'm hoping my blog will turn into. Whoever this random sorority girl that is the mastermind behind here, who is undoubtedly wearing a highlighter color shirt with nike running shorts, giant sunglasses and drives a car far nicer than mine [okay the last part didn't really eliminate anyone], i ask for your hand in marriage. Lets just roll the dice and get it over with. No i have not seen a picture of you.

I still do not have a direction with my posts, i need to pick a topic, make fun of it, and move on. Until then."

Isn't that brilliant? The guys name is Matt Adams and he writes for a blog as well--everyone should definitely check it out. Bloggers unite! 

P.S. Matt, I wouldn't call myself the marrying kind. However, I wouldn't rule out a make out. I haven't reached my set quota for this semester.

Just a thought...

A little shaken that someone could actually bring a gun on to UT's campus and the fact that our University could have had yet another massacre comparable to the Tower shooting in 1966....made me start thinking.

Columbine, Virginia Tech, and the arrest of Jason Liao all took place the week of 4/20.

People, what happened to the good old days of 4/20, you know the peaceful ones where everyone joins together and shares? Why must we focus on the negative part of 4/20 and Hitler's birthday-- The Nazi leader was a huge dbag and the ultimate coward. 

I say to everyone: crank your Bob Marley, make a trip to the Greenbelt, and everyone just chill out.

And to further educate everyone on 4/20 I included a link to its Wikipedia site.

UT student arrested for having gun on campus

Early Tuesday morning a UT student by the name of Jason Liao was arrested at Plucker's in West Campus for having a gun on campus.

This is some crazy shit. Today is the one year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings and it's crazy to think what could have happened if an anonymous tip had not called the hotline that was set up after last year's tragedy. 

Liao's friend, Luis Gomez, had this brilliant statement to make:

"Yeah, it's really bad when a student has a gun on campus, I wouldn't like it even if he's my friend but, I didn't like the fact they're making it seem like it's Virgina Tech or Columbine all over again and they don't have the facts. They don't know him."

Well Gomez-- the facts are this: he had a gun, on UT's campus, almost a year to date from the Virginia Tech massacre, and the anniversary of Columbine. Enough said. Should we wait till he actually acts to make the assumption that he was planning another school shooting? Glad to know you were not calling the shots on this one buddy.

Liao is charged with a third degree felony for unlawfully bringing a weapon into a prohibited place and if convicted will face 2-10 years in prison and will have to pay a fine of up to $10,000.

Please, everyone, let this be a warning to all that blowing up your school is not the answer! Hate is not the answer. Violence is not the answer. Carrying a gun for the hell of it--not the answer. not the smartest.

If you have thoughts of harming others or think someone else may have the potential to... Please call the Behavioral Concern Advice Line at 512. 232. 5050 (Hell, put this number in your cell. I wasn't even aware that this line existed.)

For more information on the story click here.

Austin City Limits Lineup ANNOUNCED!!!

ACL released their lineup today!!! Everyone get super stoaked! Buy your tickets now before you have to sell your first born for a day pass in September! I can't stop using exclamation points!!!!

Just follow the White Man jaywalkers!

It has come to my attention recently that UT students are idiots. Myself included. While walking to class today I was about to follow aimlessly across Guadalupe's crosswalk in front of the Co-op into on coming traffic.

People, how hard is it to just watch for the white man and let him guide us safely to campus? Instead we chose to be fuck-knuckles and think cars will automatically stop for us--or better yet, we hope a UT bus will hit us so our tuition will get paid in full (and trust me, this is unsuccessful. I have tried numerous times. We're all huge female parts when it comes to getting hit intentionally.)

However, don't get all up on your high horse and think you're Jake Gyllenhaal in Bubble Boy...because you're not. If your dream is to get hit--bitches, dreams come true. Ask Professor David Garlock (pictured below) last year this man DID get hit by a car. Fortunately, he lived--but I bet he walks like an unintentional P-I-M-P these days.

The Oranges

Issues Jefferson Davis?

Jefferson Davis obviously has bigger issues than being remembered as a traitor to the United States as well as the President of the Confederacy.

Kim Kardashian and RayJ sex tape sequel live on UT's campus

Ok, so maybe the title is a tad extreme. He's white and she has a real ass. I get it. 

But seriously, if you saw these two in action you would have sworn that a golden shower was coming any minute. Just a reminder people...the South Mall is a place for sun bathing, studying, Lou, Ultimate Frisbee wannabes, hackey sackin' hippies, and those randoms who've been practicing kung-fu lately. That's it. If I see another couple swallowing each other's faces I will throw my books at you or take your picture and post it on here. (Please, go for the latter. It makes for good blog material.)

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie tour the Harry Ransom Center

Perezhilton.com posted a sighting of Brangelina at the Harry Ransom Center today. I find this hard to believe...

a.) It's closed on Mondays

b.) There was no footage of the child hoarding couple running from the joint when they realized it wasn't an orphanage.

 

image source

Cuatros: as good as OJ and toothpaste.

A new bar opened in West Campus by the name of Cuatros this past weekend--there may have been a crowd or two but I can assure the readers of TXOJ that this bar fails in comparison to the greatness/seediness that is Cain and Abel's.

For starters, the name of the bar is the number four in Spanish, and they don't have queso? Did Cuatros realize that they are a bar... in West Campus... in AUSTIN,TX? Damn fools! I ordered 4 items on the menu (4 people--4) and not one of them was available to be ordered. Checkawhat? I was finally successful with the 5th item I ordered--yet, it failed in the process of actually being served to me. I waited two friggin' hours for a f'n grilled cheese taco and it didn't even have the audacity to present itself to me?! An outcry I say! They also do not serve fries or chips with their burgers and still charge you over 6$. Oh, and to cap off the shittiness that is Cuatros, when I checked my bank statement today the dbags added .25$ to my purposely intended crappy tip of .50$. 

Cuatros, you only wish you were worth my 20+ percent tipping rule.

West Campusers, Cain and Abel's is closer for a reason. Do not pass. Go straight in and be content. It's a legend and it should remain that way. Besides, if you end up going to Cuatros you will miss out on harassing the giant shaggy haired bartender who has no personality and uses all the hate in his life to open the beers in your buckets. 

My goal is to make out with him by the end of this year.

UPDATE: Cuatros added an additional .50$. W.T.F? I was trying to prove a point that your establishment sucks. Stop putting money on my credit card. .50$ is a load of laundry.

Jesus does party. BYX claim "Best Party. EVER."

So BYX kids, you claim Jesus does like to party? I can't hate, The Man did make water turn into wine...will anyone at this island party be perfoming the same tricks? If so give me your business card. I got a land mine in my backyard--it's called my swimmin' pool. We could bank. (please direst hate mail to TexasORANGEjuice.cs@gmail.com)

The party will take place this Saturday April 19 and there will be a free concert. The concert will include guest speaker, Ronnie Smith (Austin Stone), Stephen Speaks, Worship with Nate Navarro, SleeperStar, Jonathan Clay, Saul Paul, and the headliner: Daphne Loves Derby. 

BYX seems pretty hyped about all of this so get excited as well. Check out their video above--they're so excited, they even got a neon green penguin to take over the Tower. You kids are CRAZY!

However, who is going to break the news to them that they planned their 'best.party.EVER.' the same day as Austin Reggae Fest...a.k.a. MARLEY FEST!

For more information join their Facebook group or visit www.utislandparty.com

TXOJ in the morning

UT's most talented at Texas Revue

Tonight Texas Revue will be kicking off UT's talent show sponsored by the University Co-op and the Student Events Center (SEC). Tonight's show will take place at 8 p.m. at the Main Mall, and the second show will be Saturday at 7:30 p.m. at Hogg Auditorium.

The show includes 13 acts who auditioned for their spots back in February in hopes of the grand prize including $1500, and for the 2nd and 3rd place participants $750. Thats some sick cash for 2:00 minutes of talent. Next year I'll have to tryout with my one and only talent--looking pregnant after stuffing my face. back off. it takes dedication to manage an entire cake in one sitting. 

Everyone should definitely check this show out. It's FREE and there are FREE T-SHIRTS! (which you know you want for those days when all your clothes are dirty and you're going comando and sporting your 5th grade graduation t-shirt).

Performers will include the Texas Pom, Texas Drums, Jupiter-4, Texas Bhangra, Ryan Grills Harkrider, Texas Latin Dance, Asian Business Students Association (What are they calculating numbers?),Nritya Sangham, Japanese Association, TJ and Pamelagrace, Redefined Dance Co., The Pajamas, and the Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity...Which I must give a shout out to and let everyone know that they're definitely worth going to the show for. These guys performed at Zeta Beta Tau's(ZBT) Round-up festivities a few weekends back and totally made up for the fact that the frat only served Keystone...as if we were peasants!